Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN’T

 

10. Reach in and grab the giblets.

9. Whew… that’s one terrific spread!

8. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.

6. Talk about a huge breast!

5. “And he forces his way into the end zone.”

4. She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.

3. It’s cool whip time!

2. If I don’t unbuckle my pants, I’m going to burst.

1. It must be broken ’cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.

 

Thanksgiving Day riddles:

 

Q. When did the Pilgrims first say “God bless America?”
A. The first time they heardAmerica sneeze!

Q. What are unhappy cranberries called?
A. Blueberries!

Q. What’s blue and covered with feathers?
A. A turkey holding its breath!

Q. What’s the key to a good Thanksgiving dinner?
A. The turKEY!

Q. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A. Pilgrims!

Q. What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
A. Lots of drumsticks!

Q. What would you call a pet squash?
A. Call it anything you want- it won’t hear you!

Q. What did the farmer say to the green pumpkin?
A. Why orange you orange?

Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. It was the chicken’s day off!

Q. When the Pilgrims landed, where did they stand?
A. On their feet!

Q. Why didn’t the turkey eat dessert?
A. He was stuffed!

Q. What cat discovered America?
A. Christofurry Columbus!

Q. What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
A. Your teeth!

Q. Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A. He had the drumsticks!

Q. What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus?
A. Eight feather dusters!

Q. What kind of vegetables would you like for Thanksgiving dinner?
A. Beets me!

Q. What’s round, red, and wears a diaper?
A. A baby cranberry!

Q. What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A. Your nose!

Q. Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
A. To hatchet.

Q. Why did the Pilgrim eat a candle?
A. He wanted a light snack!

Q. What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?
A. Plymouth Rock!

Q. Why do Turkeysgobble, gobble?
A. They never learned good table manners!

Q. What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
A. The letter “g”!

 

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to wait long to eat?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Waddle.
Waddle who?
Waddle I do if you don’t open the door?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up, I’m hungry!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gladys.
Gladys who?
Gladys Thanksgiving.  Aren’t you?

 

The History of Thanksgiving Day

     Harvest festivals and thanksgiving celebrations were held by the ancient Greeks, the Romans, the Hebrews, the Chinese, and the Egyptians.

In 1621, after a hard and devastating first year in the New Worldthe Pilgrim’s fall harvest was very successful and plentiful. There was corn, fruits, vegetables, along with fish which was packed in salt, and meat that was smoke cured over fires. They found they had enough food to put away for the winter.

The Pilgrims had beaten the odds. They built homes in the wilderness, they raised enough crops to keep them alive during the long coming winter, and they were at peace with their Indian neighbors. Their Governor, William Bradford, proclaimed a day of thanksgiving that was to be shared by all the colonists and the neighboring Native American Indians.

The custom of an annually celebrated thanksgiving, held after the harvest, continued through the years. During the American Revolution (late 1770’s) a day of national thanksgiving was suggested by the Continental Congress.

In 1863 President Abraham Lincoln appointed a national day of thanksgiving. Since then each president has issued a Thanksgiving Day proclamation, usually designating the fourth Thursday of each November as the holiday.  Thanksgiving in Canada is celebrated on the second Monday in October. Observance of the day began in 1879.

 

Have a happy Thanksgiving Day!!

Consumer alert – beware of financial gurus and financial advice authors

Consumer alert – most financial gurus and financial advice authors exaggerate the returns they can produce, don’t do well on their own portfolios, and many have declared bankruptcy and/or been fined by the SEC for fraud.  This includes famous names you have probably heard of.

Most of the following is from Eric Tyson’s book, Investing for Dummies…

• Charles Givens has recommended investing in limited partnerships, including one on which he was a major shareholder that declined to half it value. (Tyson says LP’s are a very poor investment).  Givens was endorsed by the Today show.  He also claimed that investors could expect to earn up to 30% with discounted mortgages.
• Elaine Garzarelli predicted the stock crash of 1987.  For the next 3 years her fund was the worst performing of all growth funds.  Her performance was so bad that the company she was working for fired her.  Now she hawks newsletters making false claims.
• Forbes and the San Francisco Chronicle did studies that determined that Suze Orman exaggerated the number of clients she has; and in some cases receives fees from companies that she recommends (a conflict of interest).
• Money magazine has recommended limited partnerships (Tyson says…a very poor investment).
• Many radio and TV programs, even nationwide ones will hire salespeople who are fishing for new customers, but have little useful and sometimes even wrong advice.  They get hired because they will do the shows cheap or for free.
• Bob Bunker has a radio talk show and advocates market timing.  His portfolio has not done as well as the overall market.
• Steven Leeb exaggerated returns his investors could get. He was charged by the SEC with false advertising.
• Followers of advice by newsletter editor Joe Granville have lost 99% of their investments.
• Wade Cook has claimed their folks following his methods could earn 20% per month (240% per year).   He made more than $100 million selling his books and seminars.  He advocated day trading and technical analysis (Tyson says these are bad stuff).  Cook sold securities without a license, declared bankruptcy, was fined by the SEC, and lied about claims of 300% per annum.
• The Beardstown ladies claimed exaggerated returns of 23%.  Actual returns proved to be 9%. Their publisher has successfully sued them for their false information.
• Mark Seo, author, claimed 34% returns, also false.
• The Motley Fools (David and Tom Gardner) have exaggerated claims and recommended short selling, which has not done well for them.  Hulbert Financial Digest does not rate their newsletter as one of the leading ones.
• Robert Kiyosaki, author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad, is biased against mutual funds and presents arguments that other competent folks have refuted to support his views.
• Seminars, promoters and authors are not regulated by the SEC.
• Types of investments that should be avoided and why…
• Variable annuities – they are taxed as ordinary income and have high fees.
• Real estate– not diversified and values are declining.
• Options – too risky.
• Whole life insurance – high commissions and sales charges.  Instead, buy term insurance and invest elsewhere.
• Limited partnership investments – high fees, poor performance.
• “Managed” mutual funds – 75% of mutual fund managers fail to beat the market, per Standard and Poors.
• Certified Financial Planners (CFPs):
• Can pick anyone to be a proctor at their exams.
• Can retake the exam and memorize the questions they missed.
• Can listen to or read most anything to meet the continuing education requirements.